“You want Ellie to be your girlfriend?”
“Yeah. Course.”
“Not just your friend?”
“Well.” He inserted the pound coin into the slot and pressed the one-player button. “I was going to ask you about that. What would you say are the main differences?”
“You’re funny, Marcus.”
“I know. People keep telling me. I don’t care. I just want you to answer the question.”
“OK. Do you want to touch her? That’s got to be the first thing.”
Marcus carried on blasting away at the monster on the screen, apparently oblivious to Will’s profundities.
“Well?”
“I don’t know. I’m thinking about it. Go on.”
“That’s it.”
“That’s it? There’s only one difference?”
“Yeah. Marcus. You have heard of sex, haven’t you? It’s kind of a big deal.”
“I know, I’m not stupid. But I can’t believe there’s nothing more to it. Oh, piss.” Marcus had lost another life. “’Cos I’m not sure if I want to touch Ellie or not. But I still know that I want her to be my girlfriend.”
“OK, so what things do you want to be different?”
“I want to be with her more. I want to be with her all the time, instead of just when I bump into her. And I want to get rid of Zoe, even though I like Zoe, because I want Ellie all to myself. And I want to tell her things first, before I tell anyone, even you or Mum. And I don't want her to have another boyfriend. If I could have all those things, I wouldn't mind if I touched her or not.”
Will shook his head, a gesture that Marcus missed because his eyes were still glued to the video screen. “I tell you, Marcus, you’ll learn. You won’t feel like that forever.”
But later that night, when he was home on his own and listening to the sort of music he needed to listen to when he felt like this, music that seemed to find the sore part in him and press hard against it, he remembered the deal Marcus was prepared to strike. And yes, he wanted to touch Rachel (the fantasies that involved enormous hotel beds definitely involved touching as well), but right now, he thought, if he had the choice, he’d settle for the less and the more that Marcus wanted.
